In my initial consultations with clients, they often tell me that they want an amicable divorce. It could be to protect their children, avoid the stress and expense of going to court or simply to end the relationship in a way that reflects the importance of the time they shared together. Whatever the reason, more and more couples are seeking a less combative approach to separation.
However, there are also some common misconceptions about this that I hear from clients. In this article, I would like to address some of those and explain what divorcing amicably really means.
What is an amicable divorce?
An amicable divorce is when both parties work constructively towards reaching a fair settlement, whilst seeking to avoid unnecessary conflict. However, that does not mean the divorce has to be simple, that lawyers cannot be involved or that both people will agree on everything from the outset.
An amicable divorce is not the same as an easy divorce
There is a common misconception that only “easy” divorces can be amicable. However, that simply is not the case. It is the mindset of the parties involved that makes an amicable divorce possible, not the complexity of their circumstances.
At Scott Bailey, we regularly help clients with complex arrangements involving children or high-value assets achieve an amicable divorce. The most important factor is whether both parties are committed to taking a constructive approach and reaching a fair outcome.
You can involve lawyers and still have an amicable divorce
Some people feel that involving lawyers in the divorce process automatically means it cannot be amicable. However, divorce can be complex and, whilst some couples with very straightforward circumstances may be able to manage matters themselves, it is easy to make mistakes that can have long-lasting implications.
For separating couples who want things to remain amicable, seeking early legal advice is incredibly sensible. A good family lawyer will be able to explain the options, manage expectations and help a client understand where reasonable compromises can be made.
In many cases, involving lawyers can actually help preserve an amicable approach by giving both parties a clearer understanding of their position and the options available to them.
Just because you agree, it does not make it fair
A separating couple may be able to agree arrangements between themselves, but agreement alone does not necessarily mean the outcome is fair.
Even when both parties have the best of intentions, it is easy to overlook things that can result in an unfair settlement. We often find that one party has a better understanding of the shared finances, which can create an imbalance if proper legal advice is not obtained.
Getting the right legal advice helps ensure that both parties understand the implications of the decisions they are making and that all relevant assets are considered, as well as reducing the risk of resentment or further problems developing later.
Amicable does not mean avoiding difficult conversations
Divorce can involve strong emotions, including anger, sadness and fear about the future. There may also be difficult conversations about children, property, pensions, savings or other assets.
An amicable divorce does not mean avoiding those conversations or pretending those emotions do not exist. It means approaching difficult issues constructively, with the right support in place, and working towards arrangements that both parties understand and can move forward with.
Can a divorce be amicable?
Yes. A divorce can absolutely be amicable, but it requires compromise, cooperation and trust. An amicable divorce is not simply about reaching an agreement quickly. A divorce where one person is disadvantaged by an unfair settlement because they did not understand or appreciate the consequences of the decisions they were making may result in resentment and store up problems for the future.
An amicable divorce is about considering what a fair outcome looks like and, where there will be an ongoing relationship, what both people would like that to look like, particularly if children are involved. Both parties can then work constructively towards achieving those aims, recognising that the divorce and financial settlement are only one part of that journey.
How to divorce amicably
One of the most important steps in achieving an amicable divorce is getting the right advice early on. Many couples start out wanting to work together constructively, but a lack of understanding about the options and processes available can lead to misunderstandings and conflict.
Separating couples are increasingly encouraged to explore non-court-based routes where suitable, avoiding the expense, disruption and emotional toll of legal proceedings. There are several ways to approach divorce without going to court, depending on your circumstances and how you would prefer to work together:
Family mediation
Mediation involves working with a neutral family mediator who helps you and your former partner discuss the issues constructively and work towards your own agreement, without imposing a decision. The process is flexible and can be built around what matters to you, providing a constructive space to explore and agree future arrangements, supported by experienced professionals.
Resolution Together
Resolution Together allows one family law solicitor to act for both of you, advising you on the legal framework and helping progress matters through a constructive joint approach. It can be a particularly useful option where both parties are committed to working together. As well as being well suited to amicable divorces, Resolution Together means the separating couple only has to cover the cost of one lawyer, which can help reduce overall legal fees.
Collaborative law
With collaborative law, you and your former partner each have your own collaboratively trained solicitor and meet together to resolve matters. Your solicitors work together alongside other experts, taking a solution-focused approach. Everyone involved commits to avoiding court proceedings and working constructively towards an agreement.
Divorcing amicably with kids: key considerations
Whilst it may not always be possible or appropriate, divorcing amicably can be particularly beneficial where children are involved. Many studies show that separation itself is not necessarily harmful to children, but prolonged parental conflict can be.
Where children are involved, parents will often need to maintain some form of ongoing parenting relationship after separation, as they remain parents even though their own relationship has changed.
Early legal advice and signposting can help reduce conflict. Mediation in particular can allow a couple to decide on arrangements for their children in a positive and forward-looking way, keeping the children central to those discussions.
Child-inclusive mediation can also give children a voice in the process, although they are not asked to make decisions or choose the outcome.
Mediation is not limited to the divorce process. Ongoing mediation allows separated parents to return to mediation as their children grow and circumstances change, providing a constructive space to revisit arrangements, address new issues and adapt their co-parenting arrangements without returning to court.
Does an amicable divorce cost less?
Generally, yes. An amicable divorce is usually more cost-effective, not only financially but also in terms of reducing the risk of potentially costly disputes developing, particularly where there will be an ongoing co-parenting relationship.
If you are considering divorce or separation and would like to understand the options available to help keep the process constructive, our experienced divorce and separation solicitors can help. We can advise you on the approach that best suits your circumstances, including mediation, Resolution Together and collaborative law.
