As family law solicitors and mediators, we often support clients who are experiencing coercive and/or controlling behaviour – sometimes without realising it at first.
Coercive control is a pattern of behaviour designed to isolate, intimidate and restrict a person’s independence. Author Dr Jane Monckton-Smith describes it as a way of trapping someone in a relationship.
Read our blog on proving coercive control in the family court.
Recognising the signs of coercive control
Ask yourself:
- Are you regularly criticised, belittled or undermined – whether in public or in private?
- Do you feel you need approval before making everyday decisions?
- Is your contact with friends and family restricted or monitored?
- Does your partner control your finances or access to essentials?
- Are you made to feel responsible for their anger, behaviour or threats?
- Are you pressured or intimidated into doing (or avoiding) certain things out of fear?
- Do disagreements leave you doubting your own memory or judgement (gaslighting)?
- Has the person threatened to harm themselves, you, or others if you leave?
If several of these feel familiar, it may be time to seek confidential support or legal advice.
Legal remedies for coercive control
If you are experiencing coercive control, legal protection is available to you. You can contact the police at any time – coercive control is a criminal offence in England and Wales. We also recommend consulting a family law solicitor as early as possible.
Protective court orders, including non-molestation orders and occupation orders, can be applied for urgently and, where necessary, without notifying the other party. Applications can also be made for financial provision if access to money is being restricted, and for orders to safeguard children where required.
What to do if you suspect coercive control
1. Speak to a specialist family law solicitor
At Scott Bailey LLP, our family lawyers can guide you through your legal rights, including protective court orders, housing options, or arrangements for children. Early advice can help you protect yourself and your family.
2. Prioritise your safety
If you recognise a relationship as coercive and controlling, plan your exit carefully. Tell at least one trusted friend what is happening and what you intend to do. If you feel unsafe or at risk, contact the police or a support organisation immediately.
3. Keep records (if safe to do so)
- Save messages, emails or call logs
- Make notes of incidents (what, when, where, who)
- Photograph damage or injuries
- Back up evidence somewhere secure or with a trusted person
4. Access confidential support
Support is available through:
- National Domestic Abuse Helpline – 0808 2000 247
- Women’s Aid / Refuge
- Victim Support
- Men’s Advice Helpline – 0808 801 0327
- Local services in Hampshire and the New Forest – 03300 165 112
- Helpline for perpetrators – 0808 802 4040
5. Don’t wait until it escalates
Early legal intervention can help you regain control, understand your rights and plan for the future safely.
Take breaches seriously
Any breach of a court order or police bail conditions – no matter how small – should be reported immediately. Even a seemingly harmless message, such as one containing emojis, can be a breach. The content is irrelevant; the fact of contact is what matters. Notify your solicitor and/or the police so that enforcement action can be taken.
Learn more in our blog on coercive control.
Staying safe when seeking information online
If you are worried that your partner may check your phone, computer or browsing history, there are steps you can take to reduce the risk of them seeing what you have searched for.
Safer browsing tips:
- Use a private or ‘incognito’ window – this will not save your search history or log-in details once the window is closed.
- Clear your browsing history – if you have already visited websites, delete them from your history along with your cache and cookies.
- Avoid shared devices – where possible, use a personal device that only you have access to.
- Use a trusted friend’s device – if you are concerned about being monitored, ask to use the phone, tablet or computer of someone you trust.
- Access information from public computers – libraries, community centres and certain advice services often have computers available.
Important: Even with these steps, some technology may still store information or be monitored. If you think your device is being tracked, it is safest to use a device your partner cannot access.
You can call the National Domestic Abuse Helpline (0808 2000 247) free of charge from any phone – calls will not appear on itemised bills for landlines or mobiles.
How we can help
If you believe you may be experiencing coercive control, our experienced family law solicitors can provide clear, practical advice on your legal options. We will also provide you with the support you need to take the next step. Whether you need urgent protection, advice on financial arrangements, or support regarding children, we are here to help you navigate the process with sensitivity and discretion.
